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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 18
6th September, 2005 'MILLION DOLLAR MUGGER' By: Venom In this age it is unsafe to carry even the smallest amount of change on you without fear of having it taken by some random mugger but carrying money on the street for most of us is not something we can avoid doing; whether it be a couple hundred from a Jewellery store we have just looted, 5k waiting for a gun offer, doing a drug run or even waiting for a bar or rap sheet offer. In fact it is almost impossible to have no money on you all the time, so this leaves us with the problem of random muggings, muggers nearly always seem to turn up dead but by that time its already too late. But one mugging that really got my attention was that of a young SB earlier today, he'd had a tip about a bigger bar offer and as instructed he brought along a couple mil. While patiently awaiting scheduled encounter, he didn't notice the mugger creeping out from the darkness until it was too late. "I never seen his face" he told his shocked crew when he returned to HQ with nothing. Luckily a bystander did and because he was so appalled at what he had witnessed he told the crew exactly what he had seen but although the information helped the crew immensely in there search they needn't have bothered as the mugger showed himself and died the very same day while attempting to mug another member of the very same crew. 'HITMAN COMES CLEAN' By: Tea_Jenny In our lives, as Mafioso we all come to deal with hitmen at some point, whether it be hiring them, having one hired to kill us or even being one. One hitman with no regard for his own life told us his story. First thing you might ask, why would anyone put his or her own life at risk to kill another for a complete stranger? His answer seemed pretty simple and straightforward, "I'm in it for the cash" what more can we say? So this is his story, a Mafioso named Jumpin, son of Jon-Wise asked him to whack the Newport associates, they include - whiteybulger, ryder_x, princess-mai, and countless others and it is more or less a group that isn’t quite a crew. Apparently there has been trouble between Jumpin's family and Newport for a while now, Acid_drop son of Ineedmoney who was good friends with Jumpin murdered Xprincess_maiX to get Ryder-montello's attention. He then challenged Ryder to a duel, Acid came out on top leaving both Princess and Ryder swimming with da fishes. Not long after this Acid was found dead and although his only son has now made peace again with Ryder, Jumpin continued the path of revenge along with a new partner who at this time is unknown. The pair of them are offering 200K hits on the descendants of Ryder and Princess and anyone one else associated with new port. He finishes by saying "My story was true cuz I’m the hitman i guess we will have to see who’s next" Since we spoke, the hitman has died but at 200K was it worth it? 'SOMETIMES IT’S HARD TO BE A WOMAN' A Brief Interview From 8 Of "This Thing Of Ours" Top Women By: MiSTie Question 1 ' What you think are the main advantages of being a woman? Anon 1: Charms can flaunt people out of parting with their cash... and free drinks in many bars Tifa: Well I don't think there are any to be honest but I tend not to use my womanly ways to gain anything , I like to be taken for who I am Bellissma: Women have a tendency to assess the whole situation before we jump to conclusions. Granted, we don't always take action when it's needed, but when we do, it's always validated with reason. Women are quickly being recognized as some of the industry leaders and soon, the US will have it's first woman president. And that day, will change history. Caserrr: Hmmm.. well I'm going to have to say the type of power we have over men. I mean, really. We can get them to do anything we say without even lifting a finger. Lexicon: The main advantages currently are the ability to communicate more clearly and concisely, being able to wear pencil skirts without gasps of horror, and (currently) being able to be one of the Mr Mafia Judges. The bribes, flattery, and daily opportunities to leer are worth a lifetime of menstruation every time! VendettaJames: Well, in my case, its been very profitable. Running the most profitable brothel in all the south is great, until the mayor's wife goes on a tizzy and decides to shut me down. I feel that being a woman can get you far in this world, provided you use your assets in the correct way. And its also quite fun. As half the world thinks I'm a gender-confused man, I get a lot of response from people on both sides of the fence. Hence, it can be quite alienating at times too. Sometimes, women can be seen as softies. Not good at the whole crime scene, and typically not good at wacking. I'd refer you to some of the individuals who thought I made a poor assassin...but they're dead now. (Laughs) Cora Di Biazzo: I don't see my gender being an advantage or disadvantage to be perfectly honest. Tallulah: People tend to be more polite to women... '''Question 2 ' And any disadvantages? Anon 1: Perverts (a long pause and what can be described only as a snarl) thinking that just because we are friendly that we want to be more then friends with them, Sickos. Tifa: Yes! Guys, they do hit on you a lot, unless you make a stand you always get left holding the money while the lads go off to sort out family business. Bellissma: The disadvantages of being a woman, hmmm, in this lifestyle? That’s simple, Men in our lifestyle seem to think women do not possess the business talent or wit to run a successful family. They feel that women should not be involved in the daily business of our everyday life. This is where our reason comes in. We as women, recognize this, and use it to our advantage. But it never makes it easy. Caserrr: Oh yes, how much we're looked down upon the society. Men think that women are inferior to them, when that is completely untrue. Women can do just about anything any man can. Lexicon: My inability, and lack of desire, to comprehend the rules of cricket. VendettaJames: I think that was reasonably answered before in my last response. We're seen as softies. Like women should be in sewing circles and wield a crochet hook, not a gun or a shank. Cora Di Biazzo: Actually yes...I think the females end up being taken less seriously than the males...or hit on. I fumbled that first question in that sense. Tallulah: The disadvantages are that this is a very male dominated society, and women are still very much considered inferior to their male counterparts. 'Question 3 ' Would you ever try dressing in drag to avoid these disadvantages or to progress further in your chosen...erm Career? Anon 1: No I would just get them shot! I've had many 'perv' killed already (sits, smiles then laughs evilly) Tifa: NO NEVER! (Stares insulted) Bellissma: I considered it once before, however, a woman's reason can never be hidden away it always shows eventually. Let's just say we can't carry the machismo for very long. Caserrr: Oh dear no! I'm damn proud to be a woman. Lexicon: Moi? A drag-king? Nah I'm FAR too womanly. I did once posed as a demon cooking utensil however, CountSpatula, which was interesting, but not something I'd recommend to the faint hearted. On a serious note, I am what I am, and I possess the skills, qualities and "bits" that I possess. If you cannot accept that, then I have no interest in working for/with you. Simple! VendettaJames: Interesting question. Again, referring to the fact that most people think I'm a man anyway, I just let my facial hair grow about a week and there's no need for a change of attire, a simple trench coat will do. It really helps when trying to get into other brothels... You know, to scope out the competition. Its hard being a Madame in this world. Cora Di Biazzo: Hmmm no I couldn't...It's one of those things. I've seen folks cross dress or hide their sexuality, but I’ve never done it myself. Tallulah: As the only person in my line of work, and everyone knows who I am, I don't really feel the need. Besides, I've heard that gentleman’s underwear can be very uncomfortable. 'Question 4 ' A lot of people like to keep work and pleasure totally separated so, what do you think of marrying people in the same line of "business" as yourself? Anon 1: each to their own, I guess. Personally I wouldn't marry someone and talk business (Laughs). What people get up, in the sense of marriage anyway, has nothing to do with anyone except the people involved and whom they choose to marry. But I had to laugh at noodles and zadies split as they made such a big thing of it! Tifa: hmm excellent question, well I would guess if you want to do it then nothing and no one will stop you, plus the hen nights are great (winks) Bellissma: I think it's a farce. I think it just gives some people something to talk about. Other than that, it has no benefit to our lifestyle. Caserrr: Hmm.. I suppose it does have its risks and all, conflicting grudges and stuff, but that's a risk Tony and me were willing to take. Most people were extremely happy for us and we haven't had any major problems yet. I think if two people are truly in love they should be together, no matter what line of work they're in. Lexicon: Well, seeing as I met my fella in the same line of "business" as my own, I'd be hypocrite if I said it couldn’t work. That aside, it can be an arse if you find yourselves on opposing sides, and the bail bonds and lawyers fees have meant me missing a few much needed hair appointments over the years. VendettaJames: Well in my particular branch of misdemeaning, marriage is considered bad for business. The husbands don't seem to keen on them 'escorting' other gentlemen. But, for some people it works. Maybe someday I'll settle down, if I find the right guy or a very confused young woman. Cora Di Biazzo: I think relationships are possible....I think there's more to it than just seeing a guy or gal on the street and going for it...I was married once but my family and his had known each other for ages. Tallulah: If you're talking about people in the mob marrying people in the mob, I would say it's a dangerous profession, but if you can cope with the fact that one of you may not come home one night after a deal gone wrong or whatever, than that is up to them. As for me, I stand mostly alone in the Journalism business, so I can keep everything separate. 'Question 5 ' And on a lighter note, what do you think of my confused but sexually gratifying three way marriage? Anon 1: (Giggles) That’s up to you and I hope the 3 of you will all be happy together, open minded me Tifa: (Laughs for a while) Well if it rocks your boat (shrugs and Laughs more) Bellissma: You have a confused and sexually frustrated 3-way marriage? (Confused look) I say...get help. Or run. Caserrr: Well really, it doesn't surprise me at all. Knowing you for the short period of time that I have, the sexually gratifying three-way marriage for you does not even strike me as odd in my books. Good luck with that by the way. Lexicon: Well, it's certainly put colour in your cheeks and a bounce in your step, though I'd have my concerns about any long-term stamina issues... Do you all live together? Word from the wise: You might want to take the occasion weekend fishing trip once your wives' "visits from Auntie Flo" synchronise. VendettaJames: Again, in my business, 3 ways are a way of life, and very gratifying. Emotionally of course. Cora Di Biazzo: Hey, polyamory is never a bad thing...if the three people are involved and care, then I’m all for it. Tallulah: (confused look) I have no idea what you're on about...Nutter I'd also like to say thank you to all those who took part, for their time. '''TRIXIE’S TOP FOUR By: Trixie Howdy folks, I’m here to spread more joy and love through out the land. Ok, that’s a lie. I figured since pretty much around these streets does nothing but complain, and whine, and bitch and moan… I have kindly compiled a list of things that no one needs to bring to the streets to bitch about anymore. Gee, am I sweet or what? Alrighty, here we go. 4.) Mugging: Super, we have it. So and so mugged you and blah blah blah. We get it. Either shoot the moron or move on with your happy life. Do not bring it to the streets, or whine about it. Mobsters don’t whine. They get revenge. 3.) Mystery Men: Oh gosh, what a horrible group of people. Actually doing something on this thing of ours to make it more exciting! Oh, you died? That’s too bad. Have your offspring get revenge. You can not plan to take them out, you can not hire people to kill them. Sorry, but get over it. 2.) Other whiners: Yes, I am whining about whiners. But this way is new and different! Still, Coming to the streets to tell us that “Oh, If you whine about this, and this, you’re lame.” Because we couldn’t already figure that one out for ourselves. 1.) The Streets: How many times am I going to have to hear “Oh the streets suck! There’s nothing interesting going on.” Oh Shut the BLEEP up. If you find nothing interesting, then MAKE something interesting. If you are such a good judge on what’s good, and what’s not. Show everyone else up. 'NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE ' The Gazette will now be offering a subscription service for anyone wishing to receive the Mafia Gazette by mob mail or post. Subscriptions will cost$200 per week, $380 per fortnight, $700 per month or $5,000 for a lifetime subscription (post option only for fortnightly, monthly or lifetime subscriptions). All subscriptions will start from the day after subscription fees are paid. Please contact Tallulah for details of subscriptions or to apply to deliver the Gazette weekly subscriptions. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact Tallulah, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'COOKERY CORNER' Recipes With Rhiannon Hello Mobsters. Today I thought I would mix (Pun intended) things up a bit with a few of my favorite drink recipes for those spur of the moment shindigs. Babylon Spice Drink Recipe Summary Difficulty: Easy Prep Time: 10 minutes Inactive Prep Time: 24 hours Yield: 4 serving 8 ounces fresh ginger, peeled and sliced 6 1/2 ounces rum Ice cubes 2 -ounces coconut milk 16 ounces mango juice 4 ounces grated coconut 1 maraschino cherry, for garnish (per glass) 1 slice orange, for garnish (per Glass) How to Prepare Soak the ginger in the rum for 24 hours. Place ice in a cocktail shaker. Add the ginger-rum mixture, coconut milk, and mango juice to the shaker. Shake well and strain into a large cocktail glass. Serve with a topping of the grated coconut, a cherry, and an orange slice on the lip of the glass. Serve immediately. Hemingway Cocktail Recipe Summary Difficulty: Easy Prep Time: 5 minutes Yield: 4 servings 3 ruby red grapefruit, plus 4 grapefruit slices 6 ounces vodka Simple syrup, recipe follows Sugar How To Prepare Juice the grapefruits and divide the juice among 4 glasses. Add 1 1/2 ounces of vodka to each glass. Add desired amount of simple syrup to sweeten the drink. Stir well. Dip the grapefruit slices in sugar, to coat. Place 1 sugar dipped grapefruit slice on the rim of each glass. Simple Syrup: 1 cup water 1 cup sugar Combine the water and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring the water just to a boil and boil until the sugar dissolves, but the mixture does not get any color. Remove from the heat and let cool. Store in the refrigerator for up to 1 month. Scarlet O'Brandy Recipe Summary Difficulty: Easy Prep Time: 5 minutes Yield: 1 serving 1 cup crushed ice 1/3 cup Southern Comfort 1/3 cup cranberry juice cocktail 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice, or sweetened lime juice 1 orange wedges, for garnis How to Prepare In a cocktail shaker, combine all ingredients except orange wedge. Cover and shake for 15 seconds. Strain into a glass and garnish with the orange wedge. Serve immediately. Gin Plush Recipe Summary Difficulty: Easy Prep Time: 5 minutes Yield: 1 serving 4 ice cubes 1/3 cup gin 1/4 cup guava nectar 1/4 cup pineapple juice 1/4 cup orange juice 1/4 cup club soda, chilled How To prepare Place ice cubes and all ingredients in a large cocktail glass. Stir together and serve immediately. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ….LobsterNuts was seen on the street in a sequined evening gown and matching pumps, holding onto a toy microphone and singing some Aretha Franklin. Sock it to me; sock it to me, Ummm Huh! *Snaps fingers* ….Tallulah has a secret Admirer, You should see her. Every time we talk about it she blushes and gets all giggly, but she won’t tell me who it is. I shall keep you posted as to how it progresses. ‘Lullah, you go girl! ….Trixie is a cold hearted bitch, the exact quote about the matter? “You appear to be the ‘Stab them twist the knife and kick em when they are down type of person.” Thanks MadDog, you’re a peach. ....Bribery within the Mr. Mafia contest continues on. This newest offer was to pay a judge 115k per question round to send the best answers to him for the contest. …BarbieDahl keeps pestering EveAnnJellical for autographs and such, as she is under the impression that Eve is none other than the great Marlene Dietrich. Eve said all she wanted was to be alone… 'CLASSIFIEDS Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to Tallulah at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. '-Finding Neverland Bar-' Where chaos reigns supreme, and it has nothing to do with the alcohol consumption. Visit us in New York, and the following address. http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?bar&id=1067 Finding Neverland Bar, The only place where you will find a baby in a bar. ----------------------------------------------------------- '''TALLULAH’S SPEAKEASY CLUB AND BAR, CHICAGO Come to Chicago and sample the delights of our club and bar. The bar is open all day every day for drinks, food and entertainment. Come on in, sit on our comfy sofas, or for privacy, use one of our specially soundproofed booths. Waitress service throughout and a wide range of beers, spirits and mixers on offer. All the best booze from the black market straight to your glass, all at reasonable prices. If you’re hungry, why not stop in and have a delicious home cooked meal. The club can be found by entering the bookshop on 4th street at the following address: http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?bar&id=84 'REFERENCES' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=26. Browse • • • • • • •